I understand that she has had a different exposure to HIV/AIDS than I did growing up. While her comments were hurtful, they were not entirely unexpected.

Testing positive has been and continues to be a very isolating experience. When she inadvertently used the word “embarrassed,” it struck a particular chord. Getting over the “embarrassment” was my biggest struggle the days following my diagnosis. And I felt that a lot of the work I have been doing on myself has been somehow negate after my mother muttered those words.

But I do love her for trying to understand both me and situation and I know that this will be a process onto itself — something that will take time.

Thanks for the support.

I tried to explain to my friend why she had that reaction. We grew up in the years before treatment. Even before testing was widely available. People only got tested when their doctors suspected they might be infected, and that wasn’t until they had symptoms of AIDS. After that, people got really sick, really quickly. There wasn’t a damned thing any of us could do except try to be supportive of our friends wasting away before us, and dying an extremely painful and undignified death. Of course it’s not like that any more (thank God). We know that intellectually, but because HIV has become virtually invisible, our generation still carries a lot of baggage dating from an earlier, truly terrible time. I think it probably explains your mother’s reaction at least in part.

By all means tell your mother how you feel. But do try and understand that her own reaction is as much a reaction to history as it is to your own situation.

“the ones who know” respect and understand and admire you, your mom is clearly not “one of those who know”. perhaps one day she will but at present she is letting her emotions cloud her judgment. however this is her burden to carry; please don’t let it be yours. it is her choice to react the way she has, and although her reaction it is understandable in certain contexts, that doesn’t make her behavior correct. hopefully she will come around but there are some individuals who simply can not see beyond their own circumstances.

you are clearly NOT one of those individuals, and it is evidenced not only by your words but your actions. i think i speak for your friends and all the others whose lives you have touched with your project. countless people have benefited and countless more will benefit. although no amount of friends can replace the love of a parent, i hope i can renew within you the love that you should have for yourself. you are strong and courageous for what you have done. don’t let anyone dissuade you of that fact–not even your mom.

do not let your mom derail what you, in your heart of hearts, know is inherently the right thing to do. she is if anything indicative of the endemic problems that all positive individuals inevitably face, and if anything a reminder of why the work that you do is so vital and important.

you did the best possible thing with a difficult situation; i might even call it transcendent: you reached out to others in the same boat and helped them. in every book this is a good thing. keep up the fight–i wholeheartedly and enthusiastically support you.